We can not choose who our parents are….not even our family or how we are raised. We do have the choice of how we act, who we choose as friends and our decisions. But from the moment we are born into this world we all have choices.
I was born and raised in a Christian home, a home that was for the most part full of love and had a commitment to Christ. I learned about God and Jesus from the day I was born. I learned of his love and his sacrifice to die for my sins. I made a choice at the age of 13 to accept Jesus into my heart and follow his commandment of baptism and being a member of His church. The choices I made after that to follow him as he commanded didn’t always work out the way I wish it would have.
I grew up in church and I always learned about Gods way. I was very lucky to have the love and education from my parents to know Jesus. A lot of people in this world don’t have that in their lives. They grow up in homes that don’t have that commitment to church or anything else. A home of drugs maybe or abuse or being told that living by good works will get you into heaven. It always baffles me to watch a new member of the Lord’s family who never knew Christ in their childhood accept him as their savior and to learn and grow in his word and his church. I sometimes envy, which I know is not right, their new found love and understanding of God and everything that he does for us as his children. I almost feel like because I grew up in church that I take advantage of knowing his love and his forgiveness. But I also know that not everyone finds the love of God and never end up with that peace and understand that one day when they die they will go to heaven.
For a really long time when I was younger I always thought that I had time to get right with the Lord. I knew that he was a loving God and that I could always come back to him and have the forgiveness I needed to be right with Him. I took advantage of His love and mercy towards me. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I didn’t care at the time, I was young and I was forgiven when I stopped and asked, even if I kept doing it.
Choices…..we all have them and we can make the right ones or we can make the wrong ones but in the end we all reap what we sow. I feel sad that I wasted so many years making the wrong choices. I know that I am forgiven but I also feel the sorrow of how I hurt my family and friends in the meantime. God is a gracious God and I am so thankful for that.
We never know how much time we have on this earth, my thoughts of having all the time in the world and taking care and fixing what I was doing when I was old was the wrong way of thinking. God could have taken me home at any time, whether I was ready or not. I would never want to be taken home while doing something that was wrong in God’s eyes. Can you imagine standing before God in the twinkling of an eye after you just took a sip of an alcoholic drink, or doing drugs or any amount of sins that we do on a daily basis? It wouldn’t be a good feeling I’m sure. I can’t imagine the disappointment that God had in me during all of those times I failed to follow his word.
When I was 17 I made the choice to run away from home because I was not getting what I wanted. I wanted to be with a boy that my parents told me I couldn’t be with. I moved in with him and his parents and chose to live there until they kicked me out as well. I chose to stay with that boy and become pregnant and then I chose to marry him. At the time I thought our decision was a good one, because we loved each other….at the age of 18. I allowed him to control me, eventually when he started to abuse me mentally and physically I chose to stay with him for 11 years.
God loves me, this I know. He only gives you as much as he knows you can handle. So many times I wasn’t sure that I could handle one more thing, but God was always there even when I wasn’t following Him. God’s love is always there for his children and he had me wrapped up in His arms, even if I was kicking and screaming…he held on tight. When my ex husband left me I thought I would die, I wanted to die. It was a very tough thing to swallow. After all of the abuse and hard times we had been through, why? Why wasn’t I good enough? I took everything he threw at me and he still left me. I can’t even begin to tell you what happened to me from that point. I know that I put my kids through a time that is unbearable for me to think of, especially to think of what my kids suffered because of me. I’m sure most people would look at those times and think that I didn’t love my children and what kind of mother does that to her kids? I’m so ashamed to even write them down on paper or say them out loud to anyone. Through all of those times though I knew one thing, my kids needed church and needed the foundation that was given to me growing up. My parents took over where I dropped off and made sure they were taken care of. They were in every church service and deeply loved by everyone in the church. But they were lacking a mother who took care of them. It hurts my heart more than anyone will ever know.
Then I made a choice where I know everyone who knew me thought I was crazy. I wasn’t even sure myself but I knew that where I was wasn’t the place for me. I met a man online in a chat room and 6 months later moved 10 hours away to be with him. It was an easy choice for me, I wanted to get away from my life that I was living and this man seemed so perfect. I wasn’t involved in church and I was still holding on to the fact that I could start my life with God later. It was a hard thing for my kids and my parents to live with. Luckily my kids adapted and after the initial shock of moving away from everything they knew and their church and grandparents they seemed to adapt to the whole situation. We lived there for 2 years and in that time this man and I found our way back to church and were married and began a new life making better choices.
Just because you marry a good man, someone who loves the Lord the way you do doesn’t mean that the road becomes easy. We chose to become a blended family and because of that we have had very difficult times. Just because we chose to become married didn’t mean our kids were OK with the idea. It took some time for my kids to adjust to having a step dad but I believe at this point they really love him. His daughter however is still having difficulties with our blended family. Her mother is not happy about our situation and it seems that every little wrench she can throw into this family, she does and we deal with it on an almost daily basis.
We are very dedicated to our church at this point and continually try and grow and become spiritually closer to God and his people. But we are far from perfect and we have a lot of things that go on in our household that would probably shock some people. It is hard to make the right choices every day; we are all sinners by nature. It is not an excuse, but is a fact.
I am almost 40 and my life could be half over…..if I live out my days before the Lord comes. I feel like I have made a lot of wrong choices in my life because of the knowledge of God’s mercy. I knew when I was drinking, doing drugs and so many other things that I’m too embarrassing to write about that I would be forgiven the day I was willing to give it all up. But for so long I didn’t want to give those things up. The only thing that did for me was have regret every day of what I missed out on in my life if I would have just made the right choices. God is good, God is great…..we serve an AWESOME God. He loves us when we don’t deserve it. I know I don’t know the extent of God’s love for his children but I know how much I love my kids and how much they mean to me. I know how much I would do for them and I try every day to make up for the wrongs I did when they were growing up. God has never done anything against us; he has always loved us even when we have not loved Him. I know with all of my heart that my kids forgive me for the things I have done but it is very difficult for me to forgive myself for those things. It is not easy being a parent and no one ever teaches you those things in life that hurt so much when you see your son go off to Boot Camp. No one ever tells you how much it hurts to hear him cry on the phone because he is so homesick and misses you and everyone at home. No one tells you how hard it is for your son to live thousands of miles away that you only see him a few times a year, if your lucky. No one prepares you for your little girl to move away on her own and live a life that you’re not ok with. No one tells what to do with your tongue that has turned to hamburger meat because you have to bite it so much it’s all chewed up. No matter what, no one can prepare you for the days that your children grow up and move on. My kids bring me so much joy and I am proud of both of them. I have no clue, but by the grace of God, how they turned out so awesome. They have made better choices so far then I ever did at their age and that makes me very proud. I know that I don’t have anything to do with who they are, I give all the glory to God for keeping them safe during those times that were so unsafe and so wrong.
You can’t choose your family but I’m so thankful that God gave me the family that I have. I have wonderful parents that showed me true love and three wonderful brothers who have given me so many things in life. My oldest brother is a hard worker for the Lord, dedicating his family and his life to the ministry of building for churches around the world. My next brother is amazingly strong and has had a lot of similar trials in his life that I faced and I know that God has carried him through as well. My brother who is just a little over a year older than me faces trials every day but I know that he loves the Lord and I know that God will help him through, he is amazing and I love all of my brothers so much. My father who is the pastor of the church I go to inspires me so much. We had a rocky relationship when I was younger but over the years we have grown really close and I love him dearly. He is a very godly man who dedicates his life to the Lord daily. He lives by what he preaches and he shows me all the time what God wants from us in our daily lives by his actions. He doesn’t just preach it from the pulpit he lives it. My mother is the most beautiful woman alive. I have to compete for her attention; she is so loved by everyone in our church. She is so giving and kind, she loves everyone and wants to save the world…. one counseling session at a time. She truly is a blessing and I hope to be like my parents one day.
In my choices in life it has left a lot of scarring and trauma. I have a lot of anxiety and fears from things that I have been through. My passion is to help others that are going through or have been through similar situations. I would love to work with teens that are on the edge of decision-making that could go in the wrong direction. I don’t wish that anyone would have to go through the things that I have gone through and then have to deal with them on a daily basis. It is not worth it. I feel saddened to think it took over 30 years to realize that the things of this earth will fade away and all that matters are the things you did to glorify God. Our time on earth is but a vapor, heaven is eternity….FOREVER! What is a fancy car, a diamond ring, a nice house, boats, toys, clothes, etc going to buy you in heaven? Nothing, absolutely nothing.
We have a choice every day. What will your choice be? Don’t let it take you 40 years or more to realize that your life has been nothing to show for God, but all show for things that don’t matter.
You don’t learn things in school about being a good wife or husband. You don’t learn about being a good parent or the difficulties of raising a child, seeing them leave when they are grown and watching them make their own mistakes. You don’t learn how to manage your money and make the right decisions financially. You don’t learn about the heartaches of divorce, blended families or even the fact that if you made the right decision there wouldn’t be divorce and blended families. We don’t learn these things in school, but we can learn them from the bible. I know that we try and teach our kids in church about some of these things but I don’t think we talk about a lot of the choices that are out there for our young kids and even for our adults that have backslidden away from God.
I make a lot of wrong choices daily. If I’m being honest I make a lot of wrong choices with my husband and his daughter on a daily basis. I still make mistakes with my own kids. I make choices not to read my bible, not to be as faithful as I could be to church and to step up in more areas in our church that are needed. I need your prayers for those things. I need to be on my knees more and I need to be in my bible more so that when I am tempted or I am frustrated and full of anxiety my mind can recall scriptures from the bible so that I can calm those fears, frustrations or desires to do wrong.
My life has not always been what it needs to be, but I want my life to be a testimony of God’s never ending love and his commitment to me. If I could go back and apologize to everyone I hurt along the way I would. I know that God forgives me, I just wish that those people could know how deeply sorry I am for not being the witness that I needed to be. I pray that those people find someone in their life that shows them Jesus better than I ever did.
I chose to write this because it was on my heart. If it doesn’t help anyone else, it has helped me to realize that I need to start making better choices in my life. Nothing ever seems as “perfect” as you might think it is. We all need to love each other and lean on each other and have faith in each other.
We serve an amazing God….Amen.
I was born and raised in a Christian home, a home that was for the most part full of love and had a commitment to Christ. I learned about God and Jesus from the day I was born. I learned of his love and his sacrifice to die for my sins. I made a choice at the age of 13 to accept Jesus into my heart and follow his commandment of baptism and being a member of His church. The choices I made after that to follow him as he commanded didn’t always work out the way I wish it would have.
I grew up in church and I always learned about Gods way. I was very lucky to have the love and education from my parents to know Jesus. A lot of people in this world don’t have that in their lives. They grow up in homes that don’t have that commitment to church or anything else. A home of drugs maybe or abuse or being told that living by good works will get you into heaven. It always baffles me to watch a new member of the Lord’s family who never knew Christ in their childhood accept him as their savior and to learn and grow in his word and his church. I sometimes envy, which I know is not right, their new found love and understanding of God and everything that he does for us as his children. I almost feel like because I grew up in church that I take advantage of knowing his love and his forgiveness. But I also know that not everyone finds the love of God and never end up with that peace and understand that one day when they die they will go to heaven.
For a really long time when I was younger I always thought that I had time to get right with the Lord. I knew that he was a loving God and that I could always come back to him and have the forgiveness I needed to be right with Him. I took advantage of His love and mercy towards me. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I didn’t care at the time, I was young and I was forgiven when I stopped and asked, even if I kept doing it.
Choices…..we all have them and we can make the right ones or we can make the wrong ones but in the end we all reap what we sow. I feel sad that I wasted so many years making the wrong choices. I know that I am forgiven but I also feel the sorrow of how I hurt my family and friends in the meantime. God is a gracious God and I am so thankful for that.
We never know how much time we have on this earth, my thoughts of having all the time in the world and taking care and fixing what I was doing when I was old was the wrong way of thinking. God could have taken me home at any time, whether I was ready or not. I would never want to be taken home while doing something that was wrong in God’s eyes. Can you imagine standing before God in the twinkling of an eye after you just took a sip of an alcoholic drink, or doing drugs or any amount of sins that we do on a daily basis? It wouldn’t be a good feeling I’m sure. I can’t imagine the disappointment that God had in me during all of those times I failed to follow his word.
When I was 17 I made the choice to run away from home because I was not getting what I wanted. I wanted to be with a boy that my parents told me I couldn’t be with. I moved in with him and his parents and chose to live there until they kicked me out as well. I chose to stay with that boy and become pregnant and then I chose to marry him. At the time I thought our decision was a good one, because we loved each other….at the age of 18. I allowed him to control me, eventually when he started to abuse me mentally and physically I chose to stay with him for 11 years.
God loves me, this I know. He only gives you as much as he knows you can handle. So many times I wasn’t sure that I could handle one more thing, but God was always there even when I wasn’t following Him. God’s love is always there for his children and he had me wrapped up in His arms, even if I was kicking and screaming…he held on tight. When my ex husband left me I thought I would die, I wanted to die. It was a very tough thing to swallow. After all of the abuse and hard times we had been through, why? Why wasn’t I good enough? I took everything he threw at me and he still left me. I can’t even begin to tell you what happened to me from that point. I know that I put my kids through a time that is unbearable for me to think of, especially to think of what my kids suffered because of me. I’m sure most people would look at those times and think that I didn’t love my children and what kind of mother does that to her kids? I’m so ashamed to even write them down on paper or say them out loud to anyone. Through all of those times though I knew one thing, my kids needed church and needed the foundation that was given to me growing up. My parents took over where I dropped off and made sure they were taken care of. They were in every church service and deeply loved by everyone in the church. But they were lacking a mother who took care of them. It hurts my heart more than anyone will ever know.
Then I made a choice where I know everyone who knew me thought I was crazy. I wasn’t even sure myself but I knew that where I was wasn’t the place for me. I met a man online in a chat room and 6 months later moved 10 hours away to be with him. It was an easy choice for me, I wanted to get away from my life that I was living and this man seemed so perfect. I wasn’t involved in church and I was still holding on to the fact that I could start my life with God later. It was a hard thing for my kids and my parents to live with. Luckily my kids adapted and after the initial shock of moving away from everything they knew and their church and grandparents they seemed to adapt to the whole situation. We lived there for 2 years and in that time this man and I found our way back to church and were married and began a new life making better choices.
Just because you marry a good man, someone who loves the Lord the way you do doesn’t mean that the road becomes easy. We chose to become a blended family and because of that we have had very difficult times. Just because we chose to become married didn’t mean our kids were OK with the idea. It took some time for my kids to adjust to having a step dad but I believe at this point they really love him. His daughter however is still having difficulties with our blended family. Her mother is not happy about our situation and it seems that every little wrench she can throw into this family, she does and we deal with it on an almost daily basis.
We are very dedicated to our church at this point and continually try and grow and become spiritually closer to God and his people. But we are far from perfect and we have a lot of things that go on in our household that would probably shock some people. It is hard to make the right choices every day; we are all sinners by nature. It is not an excuse, but is a fact.
I am almost 40 and my life could be half over…..if I live out my days before the Lord comes. I feel like I have made a lot of wrong choices in my life because of the knowledge of God’s mercy. I knew when I was drinking, doing drugs and so many other things that I’m too embarrassing to write about that I would be forgiven the day I was willing to give it all up. But for so long I didn’t want to give those things up. The only thing that did for me was have regret every day of what I missed out on in my life if I would have just made the right choices. God is good, God is great…..we serve an AWESOME God. He loves us when we don’t deserve it. I know I don’t know the extent of God’s love for his children but I know how much I love my kids and how much they mean to me. I know how much I would do for them and I try every day to make up for the wrongs I did when they were growing up. God has never done anything against us; he has always loved us even when we have not loved Him. I know with all of my heart that my kids forgive me for the things I have done but it is very difficult for me to forgive myself for those things. It is not easy being a parent and no one ever teaches you those things in life that hurt so much when you see your son go off to Boot Camp. No one ever tells you how much it hurts to hear him cry on the phone because he is so homesick and misses you and everyone at home. No one tells you how hard it is for your son to live thousands of miles away that you only see him a few times a year, if your lucky. No one prepares you for your little girl to move away on her own and live a life that you’re not ok with. No one tells what to do with your tongue that has turned to hamburger meat because you have to bite it so much it’s all chewed up. No matter what, no one can prepare you for the days that your children grow up and move on. My kids bring me so much joy and I am proud of both of them. I have no clue, but by the grace of God, how they turned out so awesome. They have made better choices so far then I ever did at their age and that makes me very proud. I know that I don’t have anything to do with who they are, I give all the glory to God for keeping them safe during those times that were so unsafe and so wrong.
You can’t choose your family but I’m so thankful that God gave me the family that I have. I have wonderful parents that showed me true love and three wonderful brothers who have given me so many things in life. My oldest brother is a hard worker for the Lord, dedicating his family and his life to the ministry of building for churches around the world. My next brother is amazingly strong and has had a lot of similar trials in his life that I faced and I know that God has carried him through as well. My brother who is just a little over a year older than me faces trials every day but I know that he loves the Lord and I know that God will help him through, he is amazing and I love all of my brothers so much. My father who is the pastor of the church I go to inspires me so much. We had a rocky relationship when I was younger but over the years we have grown really close and I love him dearly. He is a very godly man who dedicates his life to the Lord daily. He lives by what he preaches and he shows me all the time what God wants from us in our daily lives by his actions. He doesn’t just preach it from the pulpit he lives it. My mother is the most beautiful woman alive. I have to compete for her attention; she is so loved by everyone in our church. She is so giving and kind, she loves everyone and wants to save the world…. one counseling session at a time. She truly is a blessing and I hope to be like my parents one day.
In my choices in life it has left a lot of scarring and trauma. I have a lot of anxiety and fears from things that I have been through. My passion is to help others that are going through or have been through similar situations. I would love to work with teens that are on the edge of decision-making that could go in the wrong direction. I don’t wish that anyone would have to go through the things that I have gone through and then have to deal with them on a daily basis. It is not worth it. I feel saddened to think it took over 30 years to realize that the things of this earth will fade away and all that matters are the things you did to glorify God. Our time on earth is but a vapor, heaven is eternity….FOREVER! What is a fancy car, a diamond ring, a nice house, boats, toys, clothes, etc going to buy you in heaven? Nothing, absolutely nothing.
We have a choice every day. What will your choice be? Don’t let it take you 40 years or more to realize that your life has been nothing to show for God, but all show for things that don’t matter.
You don’t learn things in school about being a good wife or husband. You don’t learn about being a good parent or the difficulties of raising a child, seeing them leave when they are grown and watching them make their own mistakes. You don’t learn how to manage your money and make the right decisions financially. You don’t learn about the heartaches of divorce, blended families or even the fact that if you made the right decision there wouldn’t be divorce and blended families. We don’t learn these things in school, but we can learn them from the bible. I know that we try and teach our kids in church about some of these things but I don’t think we talk about a lot of the choices that are out there for our young kids and even for our adults that have backslidden away from God.
I make a lot of wrong choices daily. If I’m being honest I make a lot of wrong choices with my husband and his daughter on a daily basis. I still make mistakes with my own kids. I make choices not to read my bible, not to be as faithful as I could be to church and to step up in more areas in our church that are needed. I need your prayers for those things. I need to be on my knees more and I need to be in my bible more so that when I am tempted or I am frustrated and full of anxiety my mind can recall scriptures from the bible so that I can calm those fears, frustrations or desires to do wrong.
My life has not always been what it needs to be, but I want my life to be a testimony of God’s never ending love and his commitment to me. If I could go back and apologize to everyone I hurt along the way I would. I know that God forgives me, I just wish that those people could know how deeply sorry I am for not being the witness that I needed to be. I pray that those people find someone in their life that shows them Jesus better than I ever did.
I chose to write this because it was on my heart. If it doesn’t help anyone else, it has helped me to realize that I need to start making better choices in my life. Nothing ever seems as “perfect” as you might think it is. We all need to love each other and lean on each other and have faith in each other.
We serve an amazing God….Amen.
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